7. A Shadow Falls

Author: Kiki
Raw: https://novel18.syosetu.com/n2498fn/7/
Translator: Lilia v4
Editor: Yuriko AYA

After breakfast, we lingered at the table for a while, relaxing over cups of tea.
There was something I wished to ask them, and when the moment seemed right, I did so.

“Why did the two of you flee the Discard District?”
“I don’t know if you heard about it, Nunnally, but a soldier’s body was found in the city a little while ago, remember?”
“Yes. If I recall correctly, I heard that someone from the Discard District was found dead alongside him.”
“That was someone I knew. We got caught up in the whole mess, and when it looked like they were going to kill us, we ran.”

Hearing Ellis speak so casually of nearly being killed brought home to me once again that my understanding of the Discard District had not been mistaken.
Yet the blame also lay with the nobles who had sealed its people away and abandoned them without providing anyone to keep order, as well as with ordinary citizens like us. I could hardly despise them for what they had become.

“If you hadn’t taken us in, Nunnally, we might be dead by now. Seriously, thank you.”
“There is no need to thank me. I merely did my duty as a woman of the cloth.”

The way I said it with the face of a virtuous woman made me sick.
I had abandoned someone from the Discard District once before. Why could I not acknowledge my own wrongdoing? Why did I insist on carrying on this charade of being a good person?
When, to begin with—I was not even a true member of the clergy.

“Sister?”

I had become lost in my thoughts when Ellis’s voice, calling out to Chigusa, brought me back to reality.
I realized that Chigusa, who should have been sitting across from me, had vanished.
Before I could look to see where she had gone, she wrapped her arms around me from behind once more.
Her body felt cool against mine, yet beneath that coolness was the unmistakable pulse of life. It was a curious sensation.
Still holding me, she laid one palm over my hand.
Perhaps she had seen my expression and assumed that I was feeling dejected.
If so, she must simply have meant to comfort me, but I could not keep from remembering the events of the previous night.
Ellis’s moans spilling from their room—and Chigusa had been in there with her.

“Honestly, Sister, you really do love cuddling people.”
“You always smile when I do this, Ellis, so I thought it might make Nunnally smile as well. She looked so sad.”
“Did I truly look that way?”
“Yes. You were looking down so forlornly.”
“I…see. In that case, um, th-thank you. But I…”
“Are you unused to this sort of thing?”

Her whisper in my ear sent a delicious shiver down my spine.
That voice, with its sensual undertone, had repulsed me only a short while ago. Had I grown accustomed to it without realizing? Now I found it pleasant instead.
The tingling, tremulous tickle conveyed through the meeting of our skin was so seductive that I found myself wanting to surrender my body to her.
Was this normal?
I did not mean whether Chigusa’s actions were right or wrong. Was there anything remotely normal about the way they made me feel?

“Perhaps you have been lonely, Nunnally.”
“I have been…lonely?”

Chigusa spoke gently as her fingertips stroked my hand.
The notion had never once occurred to me, and yet her words seeped thickly into my heart like dripping honey.
Nevertheless, I possessed a will of my own.
That was not true. I shook my head in firm denial.

“I am not lonely. Everyone in the city is always kind enough to look after me.”
“I see—the people of the city. What sorts of things do you usually talk about with them?”
“Their troubles, for the most part. In fact, that was how I came to live in this church.”
“What do you mean?”
“The truth is, I am not a sister at all. I had nowhere else to go, so I moved into this abandoned church without permission. Before I knew it, people had begun coming to me with their troubles, and I had become a mere imitation of a clergywoman.”

If the people of the city learned that a failed elopement was what had left me with nowhere to go—would they still hold me in such esteem?
I lived on while concealing that truth and reaping the rewards. Did I truly deserve to be called a woman of the cloth?

“In other words, you live on what people give you in exchange for hearing their troubles.”
“Yes. I suppose…that is what it amounts to.”
“Affection only has meaning when it is shared freely. Give-and-take cannot create a genuine bond. You are lonely after all, Nunnally.”
“N-No, that is not—”
“The way you become so flustered is proof. Deep down, are you not searching for someone with whom you can share an unconditional connection?”

In all the time I had lived here, there had been people I was close to, but no one I could call a friend.
Others always came to me for counsel. Never once had I gone to anyone with troubles of my own.
When I considered it that way, perhaps Chigusa was…right.
I was lonely.
I had spent all this time living alone in this enormous church, and I had been lonely…
But I had only ended up this way because I had never met anyone who could fill that emptiness.
Or were you suggesting that you—the woman whispering sweetly into my ear—would take that role upon yourself?

“Once you admit it honestly, the answer can reveal itself with surprising speed. Please do not push yourself too hard, Nunnally.”

With that, Chigusa released me without further ceremony and returned to her original seat.

“What? Oh…yes.”

Her response was so unlike what I had expected that I could manage only a limp reply.
…What had I been expecting just now?
She had done nothing more than comfort me.
And yet, simply because the two of them shared that sort of relationship, I had leapt to the sordid conclusion that she might be pursuing me as well—and I had hoped that she was.
I regretted my selfish thoughts and was about to sink once more into the mire of self-loathing when Chigusa, now seated in her chair, spoke as if she could see straight through me.

“Please tell me whenever things become difficult. I can embrace you as often as you like.”
“And if Sister isn’t around, you can come to me, Nunnally.”

I tore myself away from the urge to take them up on the offer that very instant. Then, with a feeble smile, I told them, “Thank you.”

 

◇◇◇

 

That was how life together with the two of them began in earnest.
Perhaps because they came from the Discard District, they were reluctant to show themselves before anyone but me. They mainly took care of work behind the scenes, such as cleaning, laundry, and cooking.
With three of us, our food inevitably disappeared more quickly, but fortunately, both girls ate very little. They also made the housework dramatically easier, so their presence was an immense help to me.
There was, however, one difficulty.
Ever since the incident that morning, the two girls—and Chigusa in particular—had grown steadily bolder in their displays of physical affection.
Ellis had said that Chigusa simply enjoyed touching others, and perhaps it held no special meaning. Even so, what I had heard the night before would not stop flickering through my mind.
What did Chigusa think of me when she touched me?

That evening, after dinner and my bath, I was relaxing in my room when two knocks sounded at the door.
I called, “Come in,” and Chigusa appeared, evidently fresh from the bath.
Her skin glistened, her black hair was still damp, and her cheeks were flushed.
The sight of her stirred in me an odd sense of desire.

“What is it, Chigusa?”

She merely smiled, saying nothing.
She approached me where I sat on the bed, reached toward my cheek, and cradled it in her faintly cool hand.
The gesture was so like the prelude to a kiss that my temperature soared in an instant.
I could endure being embraced from behind, but being touched face-to-face like this was more than I could bear.
I raised my hand to gently brush hers from my cheek—only to realize that instead of pushing it away, I had laid my hand over it.
…Why?
I could not conceal my bewilderment at a body that moved against my will.
And while I struggled to understand, Chigusa seemed to take the touch of my hand as “permission.” Her face drew gradually nearer. Just before our lips met, I squeezed my eyes tightly shut.
Then—
Tap.
Something hard met my forehead.
I timidly opened my eyes and found Chigusa before me, her own eyes closed and her forehead pressed to mine.

“You worked very hard today, Nunnally.”

What she gave me with that smile was nothing more than a few words of appreciation for the day’s labors.
Ah, she had gone to the trouble of coming here simply to offer me those kind words.
Why had I been so deeply wary of her?
Chigusa drew her forehead away and looked at my face, then wore a troubled expression.
Of course she did. Because of me, her goodwill had been twisted into something it was not.

“…I am sorry. It seems I have made you uncomfortable again.”

Hearing Chigusa apologize only caused my guilt to swell further.

“No, I am the one at fault. You were thinking of me and came here to offer words of comfort…and I behaved as though I suspected you of something.”
“Suspected me?”
“…Perhaps I regarded you with prejudice because you were from the Discard District.”

By way of confession, I revealed my feelings to her without reserve.
If this was not enough for her to forgive me, then so be it.
And yet—

“Then it cannot be helped. We are the ones who arrived on your doorstep without warning. The very fact that it pains you so much only shows how kind you are, Nunnally.”

She did not condemn me at all. Instead, she gently drew me into her arms and even told me that I was kind.
If either of us was suited to the clergy, it was Chigusa, not me.
Her soft, yielding body and her uniquely sweet, intoxicating fragrance enveloped me.
With no reason left to hesitate, I surrendered myself to that comfort.
Until she finally left my room, saying, “Ellis will grow lonely without me,” Chigusa and I remained on the bed in one another’s arms.

 

◇◇◇

 

That night, I happened to wake—or no, I woke as a matter of course—and left my room on the pretext that I was thirsty.
Before stopping at the kitchen, however, I found myself drifting toward the room where Chigusa and Ellis should have been asleep.
Intoxicated by the guilt of trespassing upon sacred ground, I crept forward on trembling legs, slowly, ever so slowly, until I reached their door without making the floorboards creak.

“Haaah…ahhh…”

Unable to contain myself, I let out a breath tinged with my own voice and pressed my ear firmly against the door.
This close, every sound from within came through with far greater clarity. I could almost imagine that I was one of the participants inside the room.

“Sister…not there…”
“You are adorable, Ellis. Come now, be a good girl and move that hand.”
“Sisteeer…”

Chigusa and Ellis were making love again tonight.
Their voices and the sounds alone were not enough for me to tell precisely what they were doing, but even that was more than enough stimulation to drive me mad.
My lips naturally curled into a lewd grin.
My body burned, the flush spreading to my ears and down my neck. I hugged my own shoulders, pressed myself against the door with my ear plastered to it, and trembled with every breath.
Surely the ecstasy written across my face was utterly unbecoming of a woman of the cloth.
Even knowing that, I made no attempt to stop.

“I love you, Ellis. We shall always be together—for all eternity. I will cherish you forever.”

Ah—how I envied her.
With that thought rising from the very bottom of my heart, I remained pressed to their door until their lovemaking came to an end.