15. Forgotten Things

Author: Kiki
Raw: https://novel18.syosetu.com/n2498fn/17/
Translator: Lilia v4
Editor: Yuriko AYA

As Ms. Hinata held me, my thoughts were in complete disarray.

I had certainly seen her corpse.

When the five students and I were “summoned” into that room with its enormous magic circle, one girl had burst apart beside it—

Her body had been damaged, but it was a sight that still gave me goosebumps to remember. There was no mistaking that face. It had been Ms. Hinata’s.

And yet, why was she alive?

And why was she holding me?

“Ah … Ms. Hinata, is it really you? Weren’t you dead?”

“Please do not go killing me off on your own. As you can see, I am alive.”

Even after I pulled away to make sure, she was still Ms. Hinata.

Yet perhaps what unsettled me was the smile on her face: she had never shown me one since we were reunited at school.

“We needn’t talk while standing. Shall we sit down for the moment?”

“O-okay …”

I needed time to collect myself too.

At Ms. Hinata’s prompting, I sat beside her on a chapel pew.

Was I imagining the small distance she left between us?

Once seated, I took a deep breath and asked her again.

“Ms. Hinata, why are you in a place like this?”

“When I came to, I was in a place that looked like a rubbish dump. I woke up there and wandered through the town, but it was somewhere completely unfamiliar, and I had no one to turn to. The person who helped me was a sister from this church.”

“And you have been here ever since?”

“Yes. I help Nunnally, the sister here, and somehow manage to secure food, clothing, and shelter.”

So Ms. Hinata was smiling because someone named Nunnally had been kind to her.

Perhaps she was far happier than she had ever been in that classroom.

If so … perhaps I should not have come.

“How are things with you, Ms. Mikage?”

Every time she called me that, it felt as though my chest were being squeezed tight.

It was selfish of me, considering I still called her “Ms. Hinata.”

“I live at the castle. At first, I was shocked to be suddenly sent somewhere unfamiliar, but they seem to be treating us very well. I cannot say I am lacking anything in particular.”

“Why would they receive you so well?”

“Well … the people at the castle are the ones who summoned us, and it seems we may eventually have to take part in a battle. I suppose it is for that reason.”

“If you were summoned, then we were brought here by someone’s will.”

Ah. Ms. Hinata had never spoken with Leia, so she did not know the circumstances.

“Apparently, people from our world gain tremendous power when they come here—what you might call ‘magic.’ That seems to be what they wanted.”

“So I was caught up in all this, without even realizing it, so they could make use of that power?”

Ms. Hinata opened and closed her hands as she studied them intently.

Perhaps she had some sense of that great power herself.

My body, too, had felt incomparably lighter since coming to this world.

Apparently that was also thanks to magic. With a little study, it seemed one could produce fire or control water.

“By the way, Ms. Mikage, when you say ‘we,’ does that mean other people were summoned as well?”

“Six people in all, including me. Three boys and two girls—the people who happened to remain in the classroom after school that day.”

“… I see.”

She did not press me about why I had been there.

I was relieved, and yet part of me wished she would ask.

I had been violated that day too.

Having given up on everything, I had submitted to them.

Needless to say, it was a shameful memory for me. Perhaps I had wanted her to condemn me for it.

Even now, was I trying to force that role onto Ms. Hinata?

“Then you are still living with them at the castle.”

“We have each been given our own room, so I am not sure ‘living together’ is quite right. In fact, I have not seen the students for some time either.”

“I see. Is that all right, even though you are their teacher?”

Ms. Hinata asked that with a slightly teasing, yet utterly serious expression.

I found myself at a loss for an answer.

But I thought honesty would be better than trying to conceal it awkwardly, so I decided to say what I truly felt.

“There is no school anywhere anymore, so perhaps I no longer need to be a teacher. In truth, I am living quite peacefully now.”

It was my unvarnished, honest feeling.

I had never realized how pleasant it could be to live each day without being pushed around by selfish students, or threatened and coerced into private acts.

I had none of the tools for my hobbies, and I could not even contact the friends I had been close to, but even so, I preferred my life now.

Yes. I felt that from the bottom of my heart.

But it was, needless to say, an irresponsible answer.

Though I had braced myself for her condemnation, Ms. Hinata said nothing in particular.

No—she even wore a gentle smile.

I could not understand why my selfishness, which ought to have been hateful, pleased her.

“A change of place and circumstances can change one’s life that much, can’t it?”

I see. Ms. Hinata had felt the same way.

She had met a kind person named Nunnally and at last escaped the hellish days from which she had had no way out.

All that remained was for her to come to terms with the fond, happy memories binding her heart; then she could be freed from the curse.

“Um, Ms. Hinata …”

To take the first step, I stood before her and bowed deeply.

“I’m sorry.”

I had meant to put every feeling I possessed into those words.

But they were something trivial—not even one ten-thousandth of the pain I had caused her.

That was why I called it a “step”: it was only the starting line for a three-thousand-mile journey.

“That is sudden. What response does Ms. Mikage want from me?”

Her voice was entirely different from before—cold as ice.

My throat froze too.

I had the feeling that I must not say the wrong thing; one mistake, and it would be over.

“To hate someone also means, at the same time, to love someone. You do not even feel hatred for a person you never cared about in the first place. That is why I hate you, Ms. Mikage.”

Cold words—and yet, for me, just a little warm.

At least I knew that Ms. Hinata was not entirely indifferent to me.

In other words, her first smile had been like a customer-service smile—something she put on for strangers.

Calling it a thaw would sound flattering. Put plainly, I may simply have made Ms. Hinata angry.

“… I thought I had already parted with such human emotions.”

Ms. Hinata spoke with self-mocking bitterness as she looked up into empty space.

That was impossible. Not so long as we were human.

“So I will deliberately berate you, Ms. Mikage. ‘I’m sorry’? Do you think that is enough to earn forgiveness? The wounds you gave me are not shallow enough to be healed by words like that.”

“I know … Even so, let me apologize.”

“You apologize and convince yourself you have atoned. It is to forgive yourself, isn’t it? To tell yourself that the you who apologizes is a good person?”

“Yes! But even if that is true, nothing can begin unless I apologize!”

Even when I raised my voice, Ms. Hinata’s heart did not move.

She watched me struggle to apologize, her face expressionless.

“Do you remember how many times you have betrayed me, Ms. Mikage? Do you know when your first betrayal was?”

“I know it was wrong to pretend I would help you, only to abandon you halfway.”

“So you were aware of it. When I think back, it feels as though my life began its descent when you and I parted.”

That was wrong. How could everything be my fault?

And yet—I had a reason to bear that sin.

“I’m sorry. Everything is my fault. I’m truly sorry.”

I could only keep bowing my head; it was the only way I knew.

It was a fool’s one-track routine. Of course she could not forgive me for it.

Even the statue of the goddess looking down on us was surely wearing a wry smile.

“Words are meaningless. I have been betrayed by you again and again in reality.”

“Then … if I show you through my actions, will you trust me?”

“Whether I trust you or not will depend on the results you show me.”

“I’ll come to see you every day.”

“Do as you please.”

“This time, I will not suddenly disappear.”

“I cannot trust the words of someone who cannot even keep a pinky promise.”

“This time, I will absolutely keep my promise.”

“If you can.”

Her answers were cool.

But Ms. Hinata had not rejected me.

There, I saw hope.

I could still begin again. This time, I would make it right.

—Would I really?

Of course, I knew it would not be that easy.

But if I did not believe I could do it, I would never be able to.

I would do it. I had to.

For now, I decided to make myself believe that.

“It is dangerous for a woman to walk alone after dark. I think you should be getting home soon.”

“You’re right. I suppose I should head back for today.”

If I stayed too long, it would only become too heavy.

I obediently followed her advice and was about to leave the church after telling her, “See you tomorrow.”

Then, still seated and without looking my way, Ms. Hinata spoke to my back.

“Let me be clear: I do not care that I was beaten or laughed at. I understand that you had a position of your own, Ms. Mikage. If anything … I am grateful that you tried to help me, even once.”

After all the horrible things I had done, she said she did not care.

Even if Ms. Hinata forgave me, I would not forgive myself.

And—that seemingly kind statement was also cruel, because it threw my sins into sharp relief.

It meant that the “betrayal” Ms. Hinata spoke of was limited to my leaving her when she was little, and my continuing to ignore her throughout her first year of high school.

Needless to say, it was a sin difficult to atone for.

“That is all I wanted to say.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

I wondered whether gratitude was appropriate, but I knew no other words.

“… See you tomorrow.”

At last, Ms. Hinata said it to me in a small voice.

I was saved.

I had come here to atone, but she saved me from countless guilty feelings, including the guilt of having killed her.

At this rate, I could not tell which of us was atoning for whom.

To repay even a fraction of that kindness—I would absolutely come to see Ms. Hinata every day from tomorrow onward.

No matter what happened, even if I had to crawl.

 

◆◆◆

 

Even after Ms. Mikage left, I remained unable to move from the chapel.

Of all people, Ms. Mikage was in this world.

I had thought I had given up on everything.

I had discarded every expectation, so no matter who mistreated me, I had never hated any particular person.

Because love and hate are two sides of the same coin.

If you do not love someone, you cannot hate them either.

But there was one exception.

That was her: Miyako Mikage.

“Sister, so this is where you were.”

Ellis appeared in the doorway, hurried over, and plopped down beside me.

Our shoulders touched.

I had never been able to share even such casual physical closeness with Ms. Mikage.

“It’s unusual to see you looking like that, Sister. You are always smiling so gently, as if you could wrap everyone in kindness.”

Since coming here and becoming a Demi-Vamp, I had been filled with a strange sense of omnipotence. Perhaps, as Ellis said, I had always been smiling.

“Is that woman the reason?”

Ellis spoke with murder in her voice.

I looked at her, then kissed her without a word.

That alone scattered the hatred that had filled her expression.

Ellis seemed to love me dearly. Her feelings were so intense that she sometimes showed jealous, volatile emotions toward humans.

Still, all of it vanished whenever I touched her, so it was hardly a serious problem.

“Sister, you are evading the question.”

“When I am touching Ellis, I do not have to think about anything.”

“That does not answer it.”

“Would you let me hold you today, without asking anything?”

At my suggestion, Ellis made a face as though she had bitten into something bitter—then nodded.

“I suppose I have no choice.”

“But I will not be happy unless you make me feel thoroughly cherished.”

“I understand. I intend to do my best too.”

“Do you really understand, I wonder? Then, Sister, do you know why I feel so anxious right now?”

Ellis drew my hand over and pressed it against her cheek as she asked.

I could see unease trembling in her eyes, but I did not know its cause.

“Just now, Sister, you looked almost human. I was afraid you might leave me behind and go back to being human.”

When she said it, I understood.

Perhaps Ellis was right.

While I was talking to Ms. Mikage, my feelings had been almost human.

I had hesitated to charm her, and I could not touch her as naturally as I normally would.

Though I understood meeting her would only hurt me, I had promised to see her every day.

Contradictory, inefficient behavior—so very human.

“You will not go back, will you? You will not leave us behind?”

“There is no room for doubt. Ellis and everyone else are my whole world now.”

I gently drew Ellis down, and she yielded willingly.

I lifted her jacket and laid a fingertip on the heart-shaped Mark that showed she belonged to me.

“Ah … Sister … I love you …”

“Do you like it when I touch you there?”

“That too, but … I love you, Sister. I have to be with you always … I do not want anything else.”

Her voice shook as she confessed her feelings, and my chest tightened with affection.

I could not stop loving her.

Yes, this was it. So long as I had this feeling, I could forget—at least for a while.

Ellis shuddered as the Mark responded to my touch.

Saved by her, I sank into a long, long night at her side.