Ex6-5. Iconoclasm

Author: Kiki
Raw: https://novel18.syosetu.com/n2498fn/65/
Translator: Lilia v4
Editor: Yuriko AYA

Even after the monitor went dark, it took several hours for Shuri to settle.
Her father was dead. “Settle” meant only that she could hold a conversation again.
The whole time, Chigusa stayed beside her and comforted her without a single complaint.

“You… you used to be human, didn’t you…”

It had been so long since anyone had spoken that Chigusa needed a few seconds to realize the words were for her.

“… Yes. That’s right.”
“Why? How can you do something this cruel?”

Chigusa tilted her head. “Hate?”

“One man died. What about that is cruel?”

She did not need to say it at this late date, but she meant it.
A man dying was a smaller matter than kicking a stone at the roadside.

“…!? You—you—!”

Shuri sat up hard from the floor and seized Chigusa by the chest.
Resistance would have been easy. Chigusa did nothing, and took the anger.

“He’s dead! My father! Precious family, bound by blood! And that isn’t cruel!? Don’t screw with me, don’t screw with me, don’t screw with me!”
“I’m sorry. I truly don’t understand.”
“That’s why you’re a monster!”
“Fufu. So I was a monster even before this body. Ah. I see. That’s why—no one would accept me. That reason. That logic.”

For the first time, Shuri felt she was seeing Chigusa’s bare face.
A dry laugh, self-mocking, as if she had given up on everything.
Empty—Shuri understood, without being told, that there had been nothing in that life.

“Shuri. Never mind human or Demi-Vamp… why do you think it’s sad, just because a father died?”
“Are you… serious?”
“Yes. I am. Is a father that valuable? He’s only one man among men. Well—in my case I don’t really understand mothers either.”

There Shuri realized her anger had been spinning in empty air.
The person who had made this mad world had not known a family’s “true love.”

“… Haha… hahaha, ahahaha! I see. That’s it. You were just talking as if you knew, when you didn’t!”

Chigusa suddenly looked pitiable and small.
This was, in short, spite on a grand scale.
What she had never been able to have overflowed in the world; she could not accept that, so she would break it—so Shuri concluded.

“There’s no love in the world you make. Love you can’t feel unless you join bodies isn’t love!”
“What is a child born of her parents’ sex saying?”
“That isn’t the result. They joined because they loved each other. They didn’t love each other because they joined! It’s ridiculous, you talking about a world full of love when you don’t even know that!”
“I see. Perhaps people who were blessed with others can’t understand. But—I don’t think so.”

Chigusa’s calm did not break.
She was not performing. She did not care that Shuri denied her.
She did not deny that loving families existed.
The Lengland house, for example, who had become Demi-Vamps in the other world.
They had loved one another even before they stopped being human, and they had not carried hidden friction like the Shiroganes.
Even so, they were far closer now than they had been then.
Parent and child, and that child’s child: three of them, and they were spreading happiness by bearing still more children.

“There are families who couldn’t love, and families who held distorted affection, and those people will be saved by becoming Demi-Vamps. Like Senri.”
“Senri has not been saved!”
“Well, you can ask her later. And even if there were a family that already loved one another, they can obtain still more happiness by becoming Demi-Vamps.”
“Even if it costs a father?”

Remembering how her beloved father had died, tears rose in Shuri’s eyes.

“Yes. Even subtracting that, it’s a plus. Overwhelmingly.”

Even seeing the tears, Chigusa answered with a smile.

“There’s nothing that surpasses life!”
“I agree. I want to treat everyone’s lives as valuable. That’s why I got angry when my companions were hurt, isn’t it?”
“That’s—”

Shuri started to argue and stopped.
It was probably useless.
If the values themselves never met, more debate was waste.
Monster or human had nothing to do with it. At the root, she and Chigusa thought differently.
The value of life, too.
To Chigusa, men were not recognized as beings that possessed life at all.
Death was not tragedy. Killing was not crime. Of course.
She might even think she had cleansed the world of filth—that it was justice.

“I don’t think we can understand each other with words. But I’ll say this. You’re wrong.”
“You’ll come to think it’s right soon enough.”
“I won’t become like Senri.”
“Is that so. Then why not assert it in front of her? Ellis, Senri, you can come in. We aren’t particularly occupied.”

Chigusa called toward the entrance. The door opened, and one girl appeared.

“Senri…”
“Yoo-hoo, Sis. You doing okay?”

Senri waved cheerfully and smiled at Shuri.
How could she make that face right after killing their blood kin.
Past not understanding: it was hateful.

“—Why… Senri, you killed Dad. So why, why can you look like that!”
“Who cares about that.”

Faced with a reaction like Chigusa’s, Shuri felt it in her bones.
Ah. Her sister was truly no longer human.

“… You aren’t Senri anymore.”
“I’m me. Nothing inside has changed. I’m still the little sister who loves Sis.”
“Don’t say disgusting things! Senri is dead. She’s gone! You’re not my sister. You’re not human, so you’re not my sister! You’re just a monster who killed my precious family!”

The heartless words, feelings bared, went into Senri’s chest.
Of course they shocked her.
As she herself had said, the inside of her had not changed much.
Seeing Senri’s face cloud and her head drop, Shuri’s chest hurt.
She steeled herself and told herself: this is not my sister. This is an enemy.

“If you’re using Senri to bind me, you’ve miscalculated. I’m still of an exorcist bloodline, unlike her. Don’t think I’ll open my heart so easily to a vampire—”

Shuri lined up bravado.
Senri kept her head down and listened.

“I wonder about that.”

Chigusa said it with a thin smile.
An older sister she had admired and been proud of, and could not reach.
That kind older sister, cursing her without pause.
In a sense, it might even be called progress in a sisterly distance that had never changed.
The change might close the gap or widen it; either way, what had been bound rigid by bloodline was showing a tear.
She had killed her father. She had discarded being human.
In other words, Senri could not be hated by Shuri any more than she already was. Then—she might as well do as she liked.
The corner of her mouth lifted. Her resolve set.
She moved her stopped feet, one two three, with a rather long stride, and approached her sister on the bed.

“Sis.”
“W-what… whatever you do, it’s useless…!”

Even as she said it, a faint fear mixed in Shuri’s eyes. She could not predict how Senri would move.
That the fear was only that much was probably because some part of her still indulged the thought that her little sister would never do anything terrible to her.
Senri sat close on her left, as if to blow that thought away, and laid her right hand on Shuri’s stomach.
The cold sliding on skin made Shuri’s abdomen tighten.

“Ah… Sen… ri…?”
“We’ve talked for more than ten years and never got through. But if we connect through the body, I think we’ll understand. I’ll make Sis feel a lot of good things.”
“St-stop…!”

What Senri did then was not a caress.
She put her hand into Shuri.
The navel first, then the wrist, then nearly to the elbow. She reached inside a living body and stirred it as she had said she would.
Stomach. Liver. Pancreas. Spleen. Intestine. Sounds a human body should not make.
Whenever Shuri was on the point of death, shadows healed her.
Unpleasant sensation had been stripped from flesh and brain. What she felt, thrashing, was only a pleasure that did not belong to humans.
Senri tasted every place her hand could reach.

“… It seems I have no further role. Please enjoy your time as sisters.”

Left entirely out of it, Chigusa slipped from the room.
In the room of two, grotesque sounds, Shuri’s animal roaring, and Senri’s laugh went on and on.

 

◇◇◇

 

The third day.
Yesterday’s violence had lasted late. Shuri woke toward noon.
Twelve hours remained. If she endured until the limit, she would be released, and vampires would never attack her again.
But—what would Senri, breathing in sleep beside her, do then.
The sleeping face was unchanged. The skin seemed a little paler, but she had always been pale.

“If she woke up the same Senri as before, that would be enough.”

She knew it was a wish that would not be granted.
The memory of her insides being churned was still in her body.
She could not call something she remembered that clearly a dream.
Even so—she could not help wishing. The situation was that desperate.

It was not that she had not looked for a way out.
There did not seem to be a watch outside, and except when the monitor was on, the cameras did not seem to be running.
The door, though, was locked by some strange power, too solid for Shuri’s strength.
The lack of a watch was that woman Chigusa’s own kind of confidence.
It was not overconfidence. Even immature Shuri understood that she had a power Shuri had never faced.
Then there was only one method.
Endure.
Endure, endure, endure through—and then—

If you win the game and get out, you cannot live in a world full of Demi-Vamps.

Yesterday’s words of Chigusa’s returned.
That was why Senri, driven into a corner, had laid hands on their father and discarded being human herself.
Shuri understood that feeling well.
She did not mean to forgive the killing of their father, but she understood there had been more than enough reason to despair.
When Shuri thought about it, she too felt dizzy.
If she still clung to “human,” it was probably because their mother was alive.
There had been no word since she crossed to Romania, but surely she would find a way to slaughter vampires and come to help.
If she did, then, having promised not to lay hands on them so long as they stayed together, harming the mother would become difficult.

“I’m still not alone…”

Yes. Not alone.
But when that happened, what would become of Senri.
Could Shuri abandon the sister who had discarded even humanity in search of a “real family”?

“… No. That’s wrong. We’ve already taken different roads. It’s useless to think about.”

Even as she said it, she stroked the profile of Senri sleeping beside her.
Seeing a happy sleeping face, her cheeks softened on reflex.
The mouth could say anything.
The heart, watching her sister, could not abandon her.
If the moment came, could she leave Senri behind—the answer was probably no.

She had only been stroking her sister.
Reason named her an enemy. The true feeling insisted she was still her sister.

“Sis?”

Senri’s voice fell into the dark world like salvation.
What followed, until the time limit, was not a conversation they could have had as humans.
They crossed a line they had been told sisters must not cross. The details do not belong here.
They held each other. They said they loved each other. Shuri’s reason boiled and failed to stop it.
By the time the limit came, they had spent themselves as something other than the Shirogane sisters of the exorcist house.

 

◇◇◇

 

Sometime or other they put on clothes that had been left under the bed, and spent the little time remaining lying side by side, fingers laced.
They said little. Each word seemed to hold ten thousand feelings.
Or perhaps only Shuri wanted them to.
A knock ended that pillow talk.
The door opened. Of course it was Chigusa.
The instant Shuri saw her she sat bolt upright, brow furrowed, and glared.
For a human it was a fair amount of killing air. Whether Chigusa was insensitive or unmoved, she smiled as ever and began to clap.
Clap, clap, clap.
The dry sound, which did not read the room, made Shuri’s brow still steeper.

“Shuri. Congratulations. You have won the game. We swear we will never lay hands on you again. Please, go home.”

As if attending a customer, Chigusa straightened her back and indicated the exit with her hand.
She was only, as promised, releasing the winner.
Shuri was irritated because hesitation remained.
Her gaze turned to Senri.

“See you. Bye-bye.”

Somewhere in her heart she had hoped Senri would say she wanted her to stay even as a human.
Senri, cruelly, said goodbye without fuss, and even waved.

(Then that’s fine. The monster is offering to part. If you don’t accept that gladly, what kind of exorcist shrine maiden are you!)

She told herself.

(And I still have Mother. Not everyone is gone. Even if the whole world is under them, the two of us should be able to live—)

She told herself twice.
Then Chigusa remarked, as if in passing,

“Ah, come to think of it, your mother, who departed for Romania—”
“… What about Mother?”

That she would bother to say it at this moment meant it was information inconvenient for Shuri.
From tension, she swallowed.

“Please don’t look so frightened. I sent companions along, as a kind of sightseeing, and I wanted to tell you she seems to be safe. Yes. Word of the main house’s destruction appears to have reached her as well. She is staying with an acquaintance and living peacefully, I hear.”
“I see… she was safe…”
“The acquaintance was originally a close friend, apparently. I don’t know what the connection is, but they were laughing enjoyably, I’m told.”
“That’s good, Sis.”
“Yeah… that’s good. Truly, that’s good…”

For the first time since Chigusa had appeared, Shuri smiled.
The relief lasted only a moment. She noticed something at once.
—Word of the main house’s destruction had reached her?
Their mother knew that. She ought to know her husband and daughters were in danger.
And yet… why was she laughing enjoyably.
She ought to come back to Japan at once.
No—that might be arrogant. A crisis enough to destroy the main house: if she put her own safety first, she ought to stay in Romania.
… But Shuri had been sure she would come.

“Mother… what did she say about us?”
“I didn’t contact her directly, so I don’t know that far. She’s probably somewhat worried, isn’t she?”
“Not somewhat! Look—she meant to come back, or she was packing, or something you can tell, right!?”
“There seems to have been no such sign. No trace of taking a passport, I’m told.”
“Th-that’s… a lie. Mother was going to… save me…”

Even if she had no allies left in the world, if family remained she could live.
That confidence broke with a sound.
Toward Shuri, head down in despair, Chigusa called in the same manner as ever.

“That aside, a promise is a promise. The winner of the game may leave here and be free.”
“Uh… ah, aah…”

Even so, Shuri stood.
Reason admitted defeat; instinct refused parting… and something not Shuri Shirogane, carved into her body, ordered her: Be a proud human.

“And please don’t forget this, either.”

To Shuri, rising unsteadily toward the exit, Chigusa held out a single sword.
She took it on reflex. The voice in her head seemed to grow stronger.
The cold of the wood denied Shuri Shirogane.

Come to think of it, that had been the root of it all.
The day she had first been made to grip a sword, a decisive gap had opened between Shuri and Senri, and Shuri herself had lost most of the freedom she had been given.
In exchange she had obtained a life praised as a model student, a mind clear enough that even her sister looked at her with longing, and inhuman athletic ability.
She had not wanted those things.
Ah. Yes. That was all it was.
However many words of praise rained down, however she grew, there—and beyond there—was nothing Shuri had wanted.
A table the family surrounded every night, for example.
Time on weekends in a car their father drove, for example.
What Shuri had wanted to obtain had been things of that degree—and yet—

The hand holding the sword hung limp.
Senri would not stop her leaving.
Chigusa, too, would probably not interfere actively, now that the game was over.
Everything was left to Shuri.
To carry justice through with pain, or to take happiness with a fall: her will.

“Senri. Won’t you… come with me?”

A third choice did not exist.
She tried it on the off chance, and the instant she turned and saw Senri’s face, she could predict the answer.

“I can’t. That’s impossible.”
“You can do what you like with my body! So… please, Senri.”
“But Sis still wants to stay human, right? Then I really can’t. Because today, too, I’ve been desperately holding back wanting to drink your blood the whole time.”

If they stayed together any longer, that holding back would reach its limit.
It could be taken as Senri’s own kindness, respecting Shuri’s wish to remain human.
So Shuri could say nothing.
The too-convenient option of living with Senri while remaining human—she had known it, but it had never existed from the start.

“Th-then… if I let you drink my blood, you’ll stay with me?”
“Obviously. I became a Demi-Vamp because I thought that would be good, you know? I wanted a family. But most of all I wanted to become a real family with Sis. If you’ll throw away that exorcist whatever and stop being human so you can live with me, I’ll never let you go. Forever, forever, I’ll love you more than anyone.”

If Shuri did not choose Senri, Senri would love someone else.
Someone other than her.
The little sister who had spent this whole day repeating I like you, I love you, words she had never been able to say—

Clatter. The sword slipped from Shuri’s palm.

The symbol was lost.
Dignity and station, self-binding and curse, the foundation that had built Shuri’s persona, crumbled like sand.
Strength left her body. Her knees hit the floor.

“Sis…”

Senri had meant not to touch her until Shuri said she would accept her.
Seeing her sister suffer, she could not bear it. She stood, went to her, knelt, and held her.
Shuri put her arms around that back and leaned her weight on her.

The memory of their father’s death was still vivid on the inside of her eyelids.
There was grief. There was hate. There was also resignation: there was no use lamenting a life that would not return.
In the end, what a cornered human tried to protect was not another person. It was herself.

(Sorry, Dad.)

She did not think that would make him forgive her, but it would serve as a homemade indulgence.
Her heart grew a little lighter.
Still holding Senri, Shuri said,

“Senri…”

After Senri’s “Nn?” she took a breath, and cut to the point.

“Drink my blood… and change me into a vampire.”

Senri’s arms pulled her closer still.

“Then we can be together forever, right? Closer than before, living as sisters, right?”

Her voice shook, as if to symbolize a shaking heart.
Senri answered that with action.
She stood, held out her hand, pulled Shuri up, stood her before the bed, and pushed her down, gently and yet by force.
Chigusa, deciding she had no further part, left the room quietly.
Neither of them noticed. They had already entered a world of two.

“Sen… ri.”
“Sis. I love you.”

A light touching of lips, and then Senri’s mouth went to Shuri’s neck.
Fangs pierced skin.

The pain Shuri had braced for did not stay pain.
Heat poured in. Humanity went out. The Mark rose. She ceased to be the exorcist shrine maiden of the Shirogane house.
Senri drank until her sister was no longer human, and did not look away from the face that died like someone falling asleep.

“Your blood was so good, Sis.”

When Shuri woke, they were the same kind of being.
They kissed. They said they should have done this sooner. Compared with the joy of living in the same place at last, regret was a trivial thing.

The Shuri of before would have called the present Shuri a fool.
Which of them had truly been the fool.
Well—to them, now, that was a trivial thing as well.

 

◆◆◆

 

Just outside the room, in the corridor, I listened to the end of Shuri and Senri’s affair.
I was glad they had been joined safely.
I do not well understand family matters, but sisters should not be torn apart for the convenience of some unidentifiable organization.
I was feeling rather warm each time I heard the sounds from the room when footsteps approached.
Nunnally appeared from beyond the corner.
The moment she saw me her cheeks brightened, easy to read, and she came toward me at a little run.

“Thank you for your work, Mistress.”

Had she come only to offer that?
Headquarters’ annihilation, cleaning up the Shirogane father’s corpse—lately I had been leaving her nothing but troublesome roles.
If anyone should say thank you, it was I—I drew Nunnally close, whispered, “And you as well,” and laid my lips on hers.
She accepted the kiss with even tears at the corners of her eyes.
We stayed like that a few minutes, then parted.

“Nnh… hafh. It is not that I serve in hope of a return. Mistress is kind.”
“I do not think our relationship is only one of being served one-sidedly. Besides, didn’t you come with some business?”
“No… I only thought you might presently have time, and came in hope.”

In other words, she had obtained more than she had hoped for.
To come all this way when she might not even see me—how dear.
Of course I wanted to repay her.

“Nunnally. If you like, will you come to my room as you are?”
“May I!?”

What a bite. A reaction that good made inviting her worthwhile.

“Ah, but… you need not force yourself, Mistress.”
“I am not forcing myself.”
“No. Your expression is not good. If you are unwell, I shall go and make something nutritious—”

That had not been my intention, but if Nunnally saw it that way, perhaps I was low in spirits.
It was not as if I had no idea why.
From the day I became one with Camilla in the other world until today, I had seen various forms of family.
Each time I remembered them, what rose in my mind was the figure of my own parents.
The mother who abandoned me, and the father who went on hurting me while calling it love.
Including the ones who bullied me in high school, I had classed it all until now as “it doesn’t matter.”
But as I deepened my relations with Ellis and Mya-nee and Nunnally and the others, and held a happiness I had never been able to obtain in my life until now, that foreign object caught at the edge of my vision.

“See, there you go again…”

Nunnally’s soft palm was laid against my cheek.
She looked at me, worried.

“There are things I think about, certainly, but I do mean that I want to hold you, Nunnally. Honestly, I have been left out of things rather often this time, and I am frustrated. This is, without mistake, my desire.”
“Mistress… if you say so. I shall do my best as well, so that your mood may clear even a little.”

If she got too eager and became like Ellis or Mya-nee in a rampage, that would be a problem.
And yet her earnestness struck me, and my chest squeezed tight.
At the same time I thought this as well.
If it would worry the people I loved, perhaps I had better settle it.
Even if the world were filled with happiness, it would mean nothing if I were not full.
Mother, and Father, and my former classmates as well—I ought to make them fall, or kill them, and have done with it.