Interlude 1: Träumerei Never Ends — Part One

Author: Kiki
Raw: https://novel18.syosetu.com/n2498fn/14/
Translator: Lilia v4
Editor: Yuriko AYA

My world is very small.
All I can do is sit quietly in a dim room like a cage and look outside.
I hardly ever go out, so I have no friends. To me, my big sister Rellie is practically my whole world.
Father and Mother are kind, but their work does not seem to have been going very well lately, and they often argue when Rellie is away.
They never take it out on me, but they visit my room far less than they used to, and on the rare occasions when we talk, they can be terribly cold.
The way they look at me has grown cold too, and that hurts so much.

I take up only the tiniest bit of space, but it seems that even living requires me to have some value.
Then why was I born? I ask the stars that question every night, but no one ever answers.
It is because I do not shine.
People without value do not shine, so the stars surely cannot find me either.

If Rellie were not part of my family, she never would have found me.
It was not because I shone. She merely happened to be near me.
Without a stroke of luck like that, I could not even make someone notice me.
That is why I want to treasure what I have now. I do not want to lose Rellie.

“Rellie, why do you have to go …?”

But Rellie is going to marry Dick.
She will become part of someone else’s family, and all that will remain in this house are Father and Mother, who do not need me, and me, who is nothing but a burden.
I understand. Dick is rich, and once she marries him, things will surely become easier for our family.
In fact—ever since her marriage to Dick was settled, Father and Mother have stopped arguing, and even their eyes have grown warmer when they look at me.
But that only makes it hurt more.
Because whether I like it or not, it has shown me that my value to Father and Mother comes down to money.
Only Rellie has never changed.
As long as I have her, I need nothing else.

“Please don’t go, Rellie. Stay my sister forever—mine and mine alone—”

No matter how often I whisper that in my dark room, the days pass, and eventually Rellie will be gone.
Perhaps it would be better if I simply disappeared instead.
In my despair, I truly began to think that way.

“Poor Miri.”

An unfamiliar woman’s voice echoed through the room where I should have been alone.

“Who’s there!?”

I hurriedly looked at the door and the window, but neither one was open.
In other words, no one should have been able to enter this room.
Then part of the darkness filling the room rippled like liquid and began to take shape.
I stared at the sight in a daze.
I did not understand what was happening. Perhaps I was dreaming.
At last the shadow became a beautiful woman—a very, very beautiful woman with black hair. Her red eyes shone in the darkness as she bowed respectfully to me.

“Good evening, Miri. I am Chigusa, a Demi-Vamp, and I have come to devour you.”
“To … eat me?”
“Yes. I saw a star shining beautifully in this dismal night, and I simply had to have it.”

A shining star … me?
No one but Rellie had ever said anything like that to me before.

“We are alike, you and I. Would you like to love one another?”
“Ah …”

When those eyes gazed at me as though they could see through everything, I became as still as if some spell had bound me.
She lifted my chin and crossed a boundary no adult should cross.
I could have pulled away if I had tried. I could have screamed for help.
Instead, I closed my eyes and passively accepted it.
Whether she was a Demi-Vamp or meant to eat me no longer seemed important—because someone had finally appeared who needed me, and that made me happier than anything else.
The violation was brief and disguised as gentleness.
It was my first experience of that kind of exploitation.

“Are you certain you should accept such affection from a woman you have never met?”

When she drew back, Chigusa asked the question with an enigmatic smile.
I knew it was wrong.
But … more than that—

“I was happy that you wanted me. Until now, no one but Rellie has ever needed me.”
“I see … What dreadful people, to neglect such a sweet child.”

She drew me into a close embrace.
Perhaps because she was a vampire, her body was a little cool.
Yet she was not without warmth, and I could still feel that a living person was holding me.
It had been a long time since anyone had embraced me.
My heart grew calm, and all the unpleasant thoughts vanished.
If being held could ease my heart this much, I wanted someone to hold me forever.
But—I am already thirteen, so I cannot keep clinging to Rellie like a little child.
That meant this woman was the only person willing to hold me now.

“Um, Chigusa?”
“Yes?”
“Are you going to eat me?”
“Yes, eventually. But a certain amount of preparation is necessary first. So …”

I did not understand what she meant by preparation, but a hope took root in my heart.
If only I could remain with her until those preparations were finished—
Even if death waited for me at the end, I thought I could give up my life as the price of the happiness I had received.
No—I wanted to offer it to her.

“Until then, I shall come and see you every night.”

Hearing those words, I could not help smiling.

“What a strange child, smiling when I have told you I will devour you.”
“Mm … I don’t mind being strange. If someone needs me, I don’t care if I die.”

With that, I nestled more closely into her embrace.
She smelled sweet.
It was different from the comforting scent of Mother or Rellie holding me when I was little.
There was something unnaturally potent about it, like forbidden fruit, and breathing it in left my thoughts hazy.

 

◇◇◇

 

Just as she had promised, Chigusa began appearing before me every night from the following day onward.
The previous night, she had held me while we talked; other inappropriate contact also occurred, but the details are omitted.
The memory of her attention still clung to me, leaving me unsettled whenever I thought about it.
I looked forward to seeing Chigusa so much that I decided to nap more during the day, allowing me to stay awake with her as long as possible.
Naturally, I stayed awake when Rellie came to visit, but aside from that, I think I spent nearly the whole day asleep.

“Miri, did something good happen?”

Perhaps because I was in such high spirits, Rellie gave me a puzzled look as she asked.
I could not possibly tell her about Chigusa.
After struggling to think of something, all I could give her was a vague answer.

“I had a really wonderful dream.”
“Oh? What kind of dream?”
“Hmm … A warm, soft, comforting one.”
“Hee hee. What does that mean? I can’t picture it at all.”

In the end, Rellie only laughed and did not press me any further.
I had lied to the sister who mattered more to me than anyone.
It was the first time I had done so, and my heart pounded with anxiety.
I was doing something forbidden.
I knew it was wrong—but Chigusa’s influence had already made the secrecy feel intoxicating, and I could no longer imagine giving it up.

 

◇◇◇

 

Chigusa came to see me again that night.
It was the third time we had met.
By then, I was so enthralled by her attention that I believed I would accept anything from her. My heart raced as I waited for the view beyond my window to turn black.

“Good evening, Miri.”

The instant her voice came from empty space, my heart leaped.

“Chigusa … I missed you.”
“You said precisely the same thing yesterday.”
“I missed you even more than I did yesterday! I thought about you the whole time I was awake, and when I slept, I dreamed about you too!”
“I am delighted to know you like me so much, Miri.”

As she emerged from the shadows, I eagerly urged her to hurry and sit on my bed.
Chigusa smiled as though slightly troubled and sat beside me.
Our shoulders touched.
That alone made me happy enough to think I could die, though I still longed for more of her attention.

“Chigusa, when are you going to eat me?”
“You are too impatient. The preparations are not yet complete.”
“But I’ve been ready for ages. I’m ready for you to eat me whenever you want.”
“Do you truly want to be eaten so badly?”
“Yes, because … I’ll become part of you, won’t I? Then we can stay together forever, right?”
“But you would no longer be able to stay with the sister you love.”
“That would be … lonely. But Rellie is going to leave me soon anyway.”

Her marriage to Dick was drawing near.
It was all happening in a world where I had no say. Trapped in my cage, I could do nothing but tell Rellie how I felt whenever she came to visit.
But whenever I said, “I want you to stay with me forever,” she only looked troubled.
That was how I realized it was impossible—that Rellie had someone far more important to her than me.

“Come here, Miri.”

Noticing my sadness, Chigusa opened her arms to receive me.
I accepted the embrace and sat close to her.
Because I was so small, I fit easily within her arms, with our faces at the same height.
Simply being held made my lonely heart feel full.
But Chigusa’s attention did not remain innocent.
What followed is best left behind the closed door of that darkened room.
Already enthralled and too young to understand the danger, I mistook her exploitation for affection as I gazed trustingly into her deep crimson eyes.